Just another day

I'm feeling pretty low these days. It's been almost 2 years and still no babies. I can't believe how utterly lonely this feels. When I was not married and before I met my husband, I would see all of my friends dating and getting married and part of me was jealous. That feeling is nothing compared to the utter torture of watching everyone around you have babies. It's like some secret club that I'm not allowed to be a part of. I can't decide if it's me who is putting pregnancy on the pedestal or others? Why does becoming pregnant change some people in a way that you wouldn't expect. I don't understand why it becomes such an obsession where every moment of everyday has to about them when they are pregnant? Why does every discussion lead to us talking about their immaculate pregnancy. I never imagined my life would be at this very juncture, but somehow it is. All my ducks are in a row now, it's my time to start a family. And yet, I can't.

Don't get me wrong my house is quiet and I get to sleep in most mornings, so I do have it pretty good right now. It's just you work so hard to prevent for so long that once you are ready to have a child and it isn't working for you, your world tends to fall apart.